Goodbye To My Father

We are here today to celebrate the life of my father , Claude Levesque, and to say goodbye to a wonderful man. For those of you that don’t know me, I am his youngest daughter Denise.

I would first like to take a moment to thank those that were part of his care in the most recent years of his life. To the staff of Les Residences Jodin who really took him under their care when mom was living there. Also to la Villa Desjardins where he lived out his final years. As a family it was a comfort knowing that there was always someone around him that genuinely cared about his wellbeing. I would also like to thank all of you for coming today.

How do you honour someone wholly and completely in 3-5 min? It’s like trying to put the whole universe in one bottle; it just cannot be done. I will do my best to describe my father as I knew him but I can guarantee you it will pale in comparison to the man that he was.

He was born in 1936 in St. Anne, the first of 7 children. By the age of 10 he was helping his mom bake cakes in the kitchen but he was too short to reach the counter so he would put the bowl of batter on a chair to stir it. He lived on a farm with cows, sheep, chickens, etc...and took part in the many chores all while going to school and coming in close to the top of his class. I don’t think it is any surprise to anyone that knew him that he was smart as a whip.

By 17 he left for the Airforce to find a better life for himself as he knew he didn’t want to work in farming or forestry. His time in the Air Force brought him to Korea where he was not only a clerk typist but also aided in Search and Rescue and navigation. My father literally jumped out of planes and saved lives.

When his time in the military was done he came home and met the love of his life, my mom. It was not long after that they were married and had 8 of us. During this time he became one of the best auto body repair men I have ever known and his work ethic was second to none. I remember one story he told me about how he lost his job because the bank was foreclosing on the business. He was told he had just enough time to grab his tool chest and leave the premises. So here is dad pushing his tools down the street when he passes another auto body shop. One of the employees was standing outside and he asked if there was work. He ended up getting hired on the spot. 

He loved the game of hockey and coached for many years. It’s where my love of the game comes from. I once asked him who his favourite NHL team was and he said “ the one that wins”. I know in my heart he was a Bruins fan but mom was a Canadians fan so he kept it to himself. It is fitting to note that I ended up writing this while sitting at a hockey game. It will always be where I feel closest to him.

He had a wandering spirit and couldn’t sit still for long. I think it is my sister Diane that holds the record for the most schools attended but I could be wrong. He was always trying to make a better life for us.

He loved a long road trip and we travelled many times to visit family. There are many songs that will forever remind me of these times. Anything by George Jones as that was his favourite and whenever Islands In The Stream plays I will always think of him.

In his midlife he built the home my mom and him would live out the remainder of their time together. They would go on to host Easter, Christmas and Thanksgiving for as long as they could. He had his shop right next to the house so it made it easy for him to enjoy coffee breaks and lunch with my mom.

This is where most of the grandchildren remember their grandfather. From the Christmas that we had the actual Santa come to the house and deliver gifts on a sleigh to wooden toys Peper would create ; he loved his grandchildren so much that I have seen him well up with tears from pride. There was a write up from one of his grandchildren that I would like to share as it embodies all of his Peper isms.

. “My Pepere was one of the funniest jokesters I've ever met. He was the one every kid in our family feared sitting next to at the dinner table when ployes were served, because he was such a great actor you never knew if he was going to butter it for you or slap you in the face with it. I can't imagine him wanting anyone of us crying over him. He would have had some kind of sarcastic "im old stop crying" remark, that would make some people uncomfortable but if you knew him you'd know it was his way to get a laugh. He was one of the most hardworking men I've ever met in my life and the love he had for my Memere could be seen through the way they joked around with eachother. They honestly looked like two little teenagers flirting. He loved and cared for her till the day she passed.. their love,in my opinion, is a wonderful example of those vows people take when they get married that so many take as just words. Death has a funny way of reminding you that life is everchanging, its sad yes but inevitable just the same. So live your best life. Shake your teeth, wiggle your ears and just try to find the happy parts in the worst situations. Thats what Pepere did.

RIP Pepere

     There is always so much I want to write that sometimes I can't reign it in and just focus.  This causes me to overthink and not get anything done.  So tonight, with my glass of wine, I am going to list some discoveries I have made so far this year.

1.  Chris Stapleton.  His album 'Traveller' is going to go down in history and sit right along with 'Bella Donna' by Stevie Nicks and even Eric Clapton's 'Unplugged'.  Every single song is worthy of listening to.  I first became aware of his talent at the CMA's in 2015 when he performed with Justin Timberlake.  It was such an amazing performance I was literally on my feet in the livingroom.  It made me seek out his music and now I am hooked.

2.  James Bay.  So far I like the songs that I have sampled: Scars, Hold Back the River,Let It Go.  At this very moment I am listening to Running and it isn't bad.

3. Post-op me.  I am still navigating this one.  There is a new even keel about myself that I am loving.  There is still some anxiety but all in all I believe my quality of life has improved exponentially.

4. I have been taking stock of what I find important and what is not. Making lists and culling the dead weight, so to speak.  I am discovering my boundaries in doing this.  Life is slowly becoming so much less complicated and it seems to be making way for next years' word.

5.  It is very bittersweet but I am also discovering a way to love my mom in her current state.  Day by Day she is fading away but there is such a sweetness about her now.  Even though she doesn't have the memories, I still do.  I will do my best to preserve what I can because I am also discovering that this monster called Alzheimer's is unkind and relentless.  We find ourselves grieving the loss but guilty for it because she is still with us.  Oh, my heart is broken.

6.   Started working again and discovered quickly that working late nights is taking a tole on my homelife.  I am taking steps to rectify this.  Stay tuned...

7.  Slowly grasping the idea that I love to travel but haven't done much because of my fear of flying.  Not sure if it will happen but Vegas just might be in my near future.

8.  Discovered a new friend through this word.  There is an element of accountability in sharing this word with a friend and hopefully I can share more in the group without so much hesitation and insecurity.  It's all part of the process and one of the reasons I chose this word.  Funny how that works.

9.  February's prompt brought out in me something that I have always mulled over but never committed to.  I wrote 1000 words a day (mostly) and discovered that I love writing!  It was not something I ever carved time out for; usually I would just write chicken scratches on small bits of paper or in journals when the inspiration struck.  The process of carving out time really helped to focus on the task, even if the writing was random.

10.  I love red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting.  Although, this is not a new discovery. ;)

Notes on the end of 2015

   This year was not what I expected. It really is crazy how fast things can change and suddenly you are moving in a different direction. I woke up at 4am and could not get back to sleep; not because I wasn't tired but because there is still so much to do within this particular year and time is slipping through my fingers so fast that it is wasted trying to catch it.  

   Christmas was muted this year. There was joy and magic but the sparkle was dull. My mom's Alzheimer's diagnosis in September changed everything. From siblings who were not talking that are now talking to each other, to shifting my perception of my relationship with my parents from being parented to parenting, it has been a beautifully bittersweet ride. 

   I feel like I entered midlife with a passion to make every second count.  While I am not exactly where I would like to be as far as my health is concerned, I am taking steps to reign that in. Embracing the journey will be a large portion of this achievement. 

   My hope for the coming year is to discover what lights the spark. What is it that makes me get out of bed each morning and put one foot in front of the other. Oh, I could certainly make a short list right now that would include first and foremost my husband and children but I want to discover specifics.  For example last year I discovered that when I am feeling claustrophobic in my skin I need to steal away a few moments and write whatever comes to mind.  Even if it is so dark that it scares me or so emotionally charged that it makes me cry. It allows me to get to the unreachable areas of myself and creates a more bearable perception.  

   With all that being said I am leaving 2015 grateful that it happened. I wouldn't be where I am at this moment had it not been for the journey. While certain chapters of my life are closing new ones are opening and I am excited to discover what these chapters hold.  So cliche. But since I've been up since 4am I am grasping at straws to get this finished and go take a nap. 

This Was Actually Written In April.

     It is getting more difficult now.  Possibly because I am exploring the word in much more detail.  Simple is an idea to strive for or a theme to live by.  I'm not yet convinced that living a simple life will be completely attainable.  There will always be complications that arise but through practice, the degree of complication will be less. At least that is what I predict.  I'll let you know what I find out in December. ;)

For now I will:

1. Purge 1 garbage bag full of junk a day
2. Continue to follow the budget
3. Try to be present and in the moment when spending time with my family.  I can get caught up in the pre-planning stages of anything and not be present.
4. Take more pictures.  Lots of them,  Because life is still happening as all of this is going on and one day those pictures will be my therapy. :)

Out Of The Comfort Zone

     Sometimes keeping things simple means giving in to situations that may not seem so simple now.  It might even seem overwhelming at times.  You may have to step way out of your comfort zone for a moment.  I have learned that a little work goes a long way.  With a little organization, elbow grease, and time spent planning, you pave the way for the opportunity for real life to happen.  It is also a much easier to get back on track when these situations happen.

     I finally took steps to fix a dental issue that I have been putting off for years.  A few things prompted me to go through with a gum graft; we have great insurance, the gums began to receed more and more and I didn't want to lose the tooth.  It was out of my comfort zone but I'm glad I did it.  So far so good in the healing process and not really very much pain.

     We recently had a snow day and I rallied the troops to go through the toys.  We went through about 75% and got rid of 4 garbage bags!  That is garbage bags of toys that were broken or just could not be passed on.  The kids were really good about the whole process and very receptive to finding toys they hadn't seen in a while. Especially Nikolas, who I would find lining up his new treasures or just playing on the sidelines.  It became quite difficult to keep him motivated at the end.

     I am thinking my next steps will be more planned out.  I have just been hitting the most troubled spots which is still good, but I need to make a plan.  I also need to get a few projects taken care of and I would like to do them before the Summer.

1. Trim
2. Paint
3. Basement carpet removal/ lay flooring

    I think I will really benefit from this months OLW prompt to list concrete activities regarding my word and how I plan on executing them.  I haven't even printed it yet, though.  That is the plan for tomorrow.....after I have coffee with my friend.  :)

The word lives. It's Alive!

     It's not really alive.  But it has already become second nature to refer to it, especially when situations start to get difficult or complicated.  The idea of simplicity or living simply is always there and seems to show up at the perfect time.

     I am still paring down the stuff in the house.  I imagine that will be a year long process.  Just the pantry alone produced 3 garbage bags and 2 boxes of stuff to give.  I can't wait to get into the storage/laundry room and also go through the kids toys.  

     It is working for my job as well.  The anxiety is no longer there and I am able to do my job without worry.  I am able to ask questions, not get discouraged, stay focused and see the improvements.  All because I'm keeping things simple.

Simple is sometimes not so.

    The opposite of simple is complicated.

     I have a need to feel full.

     But I don't know how.

     So, I search.

     In the past, I have filled my time and space with stuff.

     Stuff makes everything complicated.

     As I am slowly donating or throwing out the stuff that I have collected over the years to help me feel full, I am learning and practicing the art of feeling full without the tangible evidence that I think I need.  Part of that is trusting that I am enough.

     My 13 yr. old son told me today that he liked how clean everything looked and how much more space we seemed to have.  That, my friends, made me feel full.

     If that is all it takes then I am in.  All in.  100%.