There is always so much I want to write that sometimes I can't reign it in and just focus.  This causes me to overthink and not get anything done.  So tonight, with my glass of wine, I am going to list some discoveries I have made so far this year.

1.  Chris Stapleton.  His album 'Traveller' is going to go down in history and sit right along with 'Bella Donna' by Stevie Nicks and even Eric Clapton's 'Unplugged'.  Every single song is worthy of listening to.  I first became aware of his talent at the CMA's in 2015 when he performed with Justin Timberlake.  It was such an amazing performance I was literally on my feet in the livingroom.  It made me seek out his music and now I am hooked.

2.  James Bay.  So far I like the songs that I have sampled: Scars, Hold Back the River,Let It Go.  At this very moment I am listening to Running and it isn't bad.

3. Post-op me.  I am still navigating this one.  There is a new even keel about myself that I am loving.  There is still some anxiety but all in all I believe my quality of life has improved exponentially.

4. I have been taking stock of what I find important and what is not. Making lists and culling the dead weight, so to speak.  I am discovering my boundaries in doing this.  Life is slowly becoming so much less complicated and it seems to be making way for next years' word.

5.  It is very bittersweet but I am also discovering a way to love my mom in her current state.  Day by Day she is fading away but there is such a sweetness about her now.  Even though she doesn't have the memories, I still do.  I will do my best to preserve what I can because I am also discovering that this monster called Alzheimer's is unkind and relentless.  We find ourselves grieving the loss but guilty for it because she is still with us.  Oh, my heart is broken.

6.   Started working again and discovered quickly that working late nights is taking a tole on my homelife.  I am taking steps to rectify this.  Stay tuned...

7.  Slowly grasping the idea that I love to travel but haven't done much because of my fear of flying.  Not sure if it will happen but Vegas just might be in my near future.

8.  Discovered a new friend through this word.  There is an element of accountability in sharing this word with a friend and hopefully I can share more in the group without so much hesitation and insecurity.  It's all part of the process and one of the reasons I chose this word.  Funny how that works.

9.  February's prompt brought out in me something that I have always mulled over but never committed to.  I wrote 1000 words a day (mostly) and discovered that I love writing!  It was not something I ever carved time out for; usually I would just write chicken scratches on small bits of paper or in journals when the inspiration struck.  The process of carving out time really helped to focus on the task, even if the writing was random.

10.  I love red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting.  Although, this is not a new discovery. ;)

Notes on the end of 2015

   This year was not what I expected. It really is crazy how fast things can change and suddenly you are moving in a different direction. I woke up at 4am and could not get back to sleep; not because I wasn't tired but because there is still so much to do within this particular year and time is slipping through my fingers so fast that it is wasted trying to catch it.  

   Christmas was muted this year. There was joy and magic but the sparkle was dull. My mom's Alzheimer's diagnosis in September changed everything. From siblings who were not talking that are now talking to each other, to shifting my perception of my relationship with my parents from being parented to parenting, it has been a beautifully bittersweet ride. 

   I feel like I entered midlife with a passion to make every second count.  While I am not exactly where I would like to be as far as my health is concerned, I am taking steps to reign that in. Embracing the journey will be a large portion of this achievement. 

   My hope for the coming year is to discover what lights the spark. What is it that makes me get out of bed each morning and put one foot in front of the other. Oh, I could certainly make a short list right now that would include first and foremost my husband and children but I want to discover specifics.  For example last year I discovered that when I am feeling claustrophobic in my skin I need to steal away a few moments and write whatever comes to mind.  Even if it is so dark that it scares me or so emotionally charged that it makes me cry. It allows me to get to the unreachable areas of myself and creates a more bearable perception.  

   With all that being said I am leaving 2015 grateful that it happened. I wouldn't be where I am at this moment had it not been for the journey. While certain chapters of my life are closing new ones are opening and I am excited to discover what these chapters hold.  So cliche. But since I've been up since 4am I am grasping at straws to get this finished and go take a nap.