This year was not what I expected. It really is crazy how fast things can change and suddenly you are moving in a different direction. I woke up at 4am and could not get back to sleep; not because I wasn't tired but because there is still so much to do within this particular year and time is slipping through my fingers so fast that it is wasted trying to catch it.
Christmas was muted this year. There was joy and magic but the sparkle was dull. My mom's Alzheimer's diagnosis in September changed everything. From siblings who were not talking that are now talking to each other, to shifting my perception of my relationship with my parents from being parented to parenting, it has been a beautifully bittersweet ride.
I feel like I entered midlife with a passion to make every second count. While I am not exactly where I would like to be as far as my health is concerned, I am taking steps to reign that in. Embracing the journey will be a large portion of this achievement.
My hope for the coming year is to discover what lights the spark. What is it that makes me get out of bed each morning and put one foot in front of the other. Oh, I could certainly make a short list right now that would include first and foremost my husband and children but I want to discover specifics. For example last year I discovered that when I am feeling claustrophobic in my skin I need to steal away a few moments and write whatever comes to mind. Even if it is so dark that it scares me or so emotionally charged that it makes me cry. It allows me to get to the unreachable areas of myself and creates a more bearable perception.
With all that being said I am leaving 2015 grateful that it happened. I wouldn't be where I am at this moment had it not been for the journey. While certain chapters of my life are closing new ones are opening and I am excited to discover what these chapters hold. So cliche. But since I've been up since 4am I am grasping at straws to get this finished and go take a nap.
